Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Solomon Kane and WTF Hollywood? A Rant.

With the help of some dark magic and a sacrifice or two I was finally able watch the entire Solomon Kane movie.

For those of you in the states who haven't seen it, rest assured I won't give anything away.

I'll only say that it was a pretty great flick and there were parts that Howard fans would be more than happy with.

Michael Bassett did a great job taking the material seriously and James Purefoy played the role of Kane with passion and dedication. They really did nail the screen presence of the character. Purefoy is staring in the upcoming Ironclad, btw)

Again, that's all I'll say about the film itself. You won't be disappointed.

What I am disappointed in, though, is the brainless, gutless drecks that represent the film distribution industry in Hollywood CA.

Why this film was never picked up and distributed to theaters or at least to video is beyond my comprehension. Considering the incredible amount of super-crap they release and re-release time and time again, I find it insulting to Bassett, Purefoy, and Howard himself that they couldn't toss us a tasty morsel in Solomon Kane.

Is it because of the violence?
Sure, it's brutal (a plus for any Swords and Sorcerery movie) but it's no more violent that most things on screen or on TV. Oh, maybe there weren't enough guns, I don't know?

Is it because some Christians would be upset?
Well, they get upset about almost anything these days, but a Puritian that kicks ass? How can you go wrong?

Is it because Adam Sandler isn't in it not being funny?
I'll let you answer that on your own.

Is it because you guys are threatened what it might do to your precious Conan the Barbarian release?
The suits might be nervous about that but Kane would have built up an anticipation to the Conan movie. Sure, comparisons would have been made, especially in the budget department, but come on guys, show some balls!

Is it because the general movie going audience is too dim-witted to take a chance on something they haven't seen before and prefer to watch sequel after sequel of the same story over and over?
Um..actually that's quite possible.

So what is it? Please tell me, 'cause I really want to know.
Cause it's a decent movie and has an audience and kids will rent it and think it's cool and who knows, maybe influence one of them to get creative.

So lets see what you deem release worthy for the month of June, shall we?

The Warriors Way
Nice! But why this and not Kane?

Season of the Witch
Really? Nicolas Kane?

Another Liam Neeson straight to video killing rampage flick. Okay, whatever.

Big Mammas: Like Father, Like Son
Just shoot me now!

Just Go With It
OMFG! Sandler AND Aniston??? Someone better have gotten fired for that one.

Hell, if you want to pay $30 million to watch James Cameron masturbate, I'll save you some cash!

Drive Angry

I'd go on but it's too depressing.
So what is it Hollywood? What's the flippin' deal? I'd really like to know 'cause I'm just starting to think you guys are just too high to do your job.

To Bassett and Purefoy I give you kudos!

To Hollywood I give a kick to the nutz!

And for you Warlock readers who got to the bottom of this ranting post your reward is 20% off any Lulu order through Thursday June 30 by using the word: SUNSHINE305


  1. Are you saying that Solomon Kane still hasn't been released on DVD in America?

    We (in the UK) had it LAST June - and I naked it one of my DVDs on the year.

    What on Earth is going wrong?

  2. I am the Grey Elf, and I approve of this blog entry.

  3. Yes, Flea, no Kane here in the US. WTF, right?

    Thank you for your approval Jason! You'll have my vote!

  4. I agree with you 100% ... sadly I still haven't seen it ... I know several people who have seen it (on the internet) and loved it. I keep meaning to watch it but its so much more of a pain to track it down and see it than if it was just at least on netflix. I am shocked that it hasn't at least been picked up by Stars or one of the cable networks. I really would like to hear the true reasons why this film wasn't at least straight to DVD'd in the US? Are they still contemplating a theatrical release here? WTF? Like there is no way from everything I've heard about this film that it isn't straight to DVD quality (and I'm sure from what you say and others who I know who have actually seen it) it is by far a high enough caliber production to even have had a standard theatrical release. There has to be some sordid, corrupt, conspiracy lurking in the shadows on this one ...

  5. Hollywood has lost it. I was surprised this wasn't marketed more.

    Bliss, your blog looks fantastic, BTW.

  6. If you guys have access to multi-region DVD players can't you import it from Amazon (it's only £5):

  7. The internet says its because fully developed movies are harder to sell, there is no say into the direction of the film and the brand rights are not available or very complicated. I suspect thats more the case with The Puritan, too many fingers in the pie to make it worth it for distributors. Hopefully Conan does well and Lionsgate picks up Kane to keep people interested in Howard/Conan until Red Sonja comes out.

  8. "there is no say into the direction of the film and the brand rights are not available or very complicated"

    That sounds about right. No 7-11 big gulp tie-ins or action figures. No room for a goofy producer to day "lets change the ending and I think he needs a furry companion, you know, for the kids"